I’ve been moving furniture, shifting stuff, and working on the house. I have taken the hearth for the downstairs woodstove area out. That was a job with sledge hammers and face masks, cement dust, rocks, heavy lifting, etc. That’s done. A lot is done at this point.
I’ve already begun painting. I’m painting the walls white, bright white. So there is ample light for working. I have feelings of creativity rising in me. I haven’t felt them in a long time. The last several years have been very depressing being under the authoritative watch and manipulations that have haunted my dreams and triggered the PTSD I live with. Now, I have been set free, more or less, to manage my life for myself, yet being as poor as I am, it takes several months to get on top of the game. While I am repairing and fixing this studio space, I also must save up bucks to repair my car, and that’s going to set me back nearly six hundred dollars. For someone living on seven hundred a month, that’s a LOT of money. Yes…fund me…send me money!! thank you! LOL (no, i’m not asking for money)(no i wouldn’t turn down gifts of money) (no, I have no idea how to get money through the internet, so never mind, I’ll figure out the budget on my own)
As I’m getting older, my mind and heart are maturing so the ptsd is getting less complex and painful, i’m learning to tell others to just F-off and not care what they think, but at 57 the arthritis I inherited is depositing nasty bone spurs all over. They run down my spine, on my neck, wrists, ankles, knees, sciatica, hips, low back…I’m a walking disaster for inflammation and pain. I will be building (slowly but surely) my environment into a place I can live in as I grow older that won’t kill me to care for. I plan on the studio being set up and that’s it. Several tables spaces for different types of creation from sewing to airbrush.
Then there will be a garden, a keyhole garden, as I live in a desert area and watering is VERY expensive. I want the garden to care for itself as much as possible. I need to grow ginger, carrots, and apples to provide myself the anti-inflammatory I need for the arthritis. If they ever legalize pot, I’ll grow a little of that too, just to have the CBD content.
Anyway, the art is on hold, as is the progress of making this page profitable, until I can get some work done for my physical reality. I have no help, no other, no companion, and I’m too damned poor to afford help, so, it’s a long drawn out reality, but it’s mine and that’s cool.
So, you’ll see me around, as things become more fluid in my environment, and hopefully I’ll be back to creating from the spirit in me, instead of the orders and programming of collage. Back to self. Yes.