I can’t even remember when I started this work. I think it was in 2016. Since the tumor has increased in size, my memory is less than what it used to be. My eyes take turns , working or not and I have these nagging swelling headaches. Literally, my head swells up over both of my ears so much that my eyeglasses hurt my head, then when the swelling goes down, my glasses slip off my face. LOL…nuts! It’s NUTS.
I’m only about an inch from finishing the last round. I’m adding deep forest green onto the background of orange clusters. This whole work has been about the learning of the laws in the Bible, applying them in my discernment and judgement, and about learning how to love myself as well.
Now I’ve found out that since this tumor is the reality of my life, that I’m not mentally ill after all, in fact, I have two degrees to back up the fact I’m intelligent and capable of working through many problems, organized, and skilled. But, I battle the symptoms of a pituitary disease which is a very REAL pain in the head and it keeps me from being emotionally stable. In some moments I’m like an infant or young child, in others, I’m a raging asshole, and in others I’m trembling in fear and prone to severe reactions. I’m a puppet at the end of a master gland using alchemy on me for kicks. The master gland needs a release from the yoke of cells gone awry. The tumor MUST go.
ANyway, the work is near done, but not done. And I’d LOVE to finish it before surgery, but I don’t know that I will because I’m also doing internal spiritually absolutely friggin necessary growth work, and its WAY more important to do that, using up what I can of ‘eye’ energy, than it is to stitch beads… after surgery…I’ll finish it..and then it will be my mandala of healing the broken heart and mind of a child born into a family that could not love and accept it, as it was, is, and would be. BUT I CAN. I CAN, DO, and WILL love myself through my reality, with, or without the love of others. (This is not to exclude those of you who KNOW you are a rock in my life).
Once I finish the edge, I will work on the back surface, and plan on adding a few specific touches that will show, when the time is right. PEACE!!
Keep good healing vibes for me, in the name of Christ. Amen.