So I’m healing, and I’ve been using art therapy to help me in the process. But I’m also doing reading, and assertion practice. A couple days ago I was able to speak with my favorite Dr. in the whole wide world, a Chiropractor with a Wholistic approach to treatment. He’s awesome. And he recognizes in me, my soul, which is trying SO hard to grow up and be free from the webbing and life sucking history of being the child scapegoat to a narcissistic family. He tells me that I can do this. It doesn’t matter what time in my life it is. Just DO IT! 🙂
So I’m working at it. And I read some more about how I need to psychologically separate myself from the narc mother (and the narc sister and dad too, that are in my head). I have bought into their trappings and negative assessments of me for so long, that I fall back into the cycle of destruction in a moment of being played emotionally…..sigh.
But I’m going to change that. Now, these affirmations? I’ve adapted them to myself. They come from sources of material I’ve been reading, but I’ve changed them to remove as much of the victim language as possible. I have no desire to be a victim to this bullshit anymore. And, being a Christian, and having the desire to be as much like Yeshua as possible with love, respect, and honor to the parents….there is a time when you cannot any longer cave in to the trappings. There is a time when HONORING your parents, is when you stand against them and stand for yourself. You honor them by growing beyond their limitations, by setting yourself free, by experiencing individuation to the fullest and growing up for yourself to have your own life. No more, will I fall prey to the tears, or fears of a woman (or sibling) (or mother or dad) (or other) that must control me with trappings. NO. Not anymore.
So I’m going to share the affirmations I made for me. Maybe they’ll empower you too. I hope they do. I hope, if you are trapped in your soul by manipulations and cruelty and you just keep cycling the same damned path…that you might sense some strength in yourself to get off the misery-go-round, and go smell the roses that YOU love.
- I allow myself my authentic feelings without angst of self-doubt. I give myself the freedom of my capacity to experience deeply a wide range of feelings with liveliness, joy, vigor, excitement and spontaneity.
- I believe in myself, feeling no angst of self-doubt. I freely give myself credit where credit is due. I have the capacity to expect appropriate entitlements.
- I can identify my dreams and desires. I can set out to accomplish them, believing I can do it. Ia m capable of self-actualization and assertion.
- I believe I am worthy and can validate myself regardless of external, worldly approval. I acknowledge my self-esteem.
- I have the ability to soothe painful feelings. In painful situations I can comfort myself, find solutions and remove myself from misery.
- I can make and keep commitments When a decision is right for me, I stick to my decisions and overcome any obstacles, criticism, or setbacks.
- I find solutions to problems. I am resourceful. I replace and defuse negatives with life affirming truth. I am creative.
- I express myself honestly and fully in close relationships with minimal anxiety about abandonment or engulfment. I can experience emotional intimacy without fear or anxiety about being abandoned or consumed.
- I am able to be alone. I enjoy my relationship with myself. I enjoy being alone. I know I have meaning within.
- My inner core is real and stable. I remain consistent through the trials and tribulations of life. I enjoy and appreciate my aging process. I enjoy my continuity of self.
Yes. I do not entirely agree with these, but in time I will. Since I was a child I have never been able to ‘dream’ a dream for my life. Not even under hypnosis! This is because of the abuse of narcissists against my freedom to be myself. At some point, I will have a dream for me, and I will find my way to accomplish it. Why? Cos I love me. I deserve a dream, and to be able to fulfill it.
I listen to the language of the earth, the animals, for totem spirit messages…and today while I wrote these affirmations a robin tried three times to come in my window. So I’m going to share a site I love with you.
Robin’s Wisdom Includes:
Understanding the power of song
Guide in the wisdom of change
Life is about to get much better.
Its a hard thing to try to trap a free bird.