The Chiro (see him again today) got the horrible charlie horse out of my hip. It’s been there for years, and it wants to coil up and pull my hip out of place, but its not getting its way. AMEN. It hurts like hell, but that liberating hurt. You know? Where the pain means that you obtained a power and freedom FROM the injury and back towards strength and alignment. YES! I can touch my knees and feet together! Without my hip popping and the tendon causing stabbing pain. Yay 😛
I got the painting sketched, and it wasn’t easy. Its a rabbit hole work. Its causing me near nausea as I create it. The damage to my soul (murder of it) goes back to my being infantile, and it’s not a blame thing, but an evolutionary thing, but the sufferings that go back SO far, they hurt really bad because they were exercised on a toddler. People like me, sadly enough, (watch John Bradshaw on Youtube and learn from his experiences) are part of a long term generational pattern of ignorance, and so while we are working hard to heal and overcome the damage done, to heal ourselves and perhaps others in our family, we have to yet look in the mirror and see what we’ve done to other in our damaged state of existence. More pain. How could I do that to my own child? You did it because it was done to you, you did it, because you were raised ignorant and violently, you did it because you had no clue what real love meant.
Now you do, but your child is scarred already, and now they have to go through the process of healing and understanding and forgiving. And you hope, you pray, they forgive you, because if they don’t, they won’t cleanse their karmic debt, and it will count against their spiritual evolution.
So the painting, I can’t give details, is sketched and it’s dark. Its gloomy and deep and dark, and I don’t know when I’ll actually start it, but it’s down the rabbit hole therapy for me. Its not the kind of painting I would hope to do. It’s not butterflies on flowers, or mountain ranges…. its therapy. Its the kind of work you go to because you need to do it, not because you love it. Its a calling to do a task and face truth.
Truth is so hard on us. Life is NOT magical and fairy tale like. It is wonderful and exciting in many ways, but there is no promise of happy ever after. Its more wrought with necessary evils and sufferings that move the race of human beings closer to angelic design, slowly and painfully. It accepting that the evil that is killing life and love right in front of your eyes is part of the plan. Dang, that’s hard to do. It is necessary, it is evil, it is hard, and it is vile, but it is necessary, and yeah, Earth is hell, so to speak. Work it out, heal others and yourself, find forgiveness and die and move on.
I really do not want to come back to this when my time comes to translate out of human skin and bone. Matter is sometimes amazingly beautiful, but it is most often hardship. I’m so thankful for gardens, birds singing, and the warmth of my soft fuzzy cat.