I’m a HUGE Clapton fan. I could listen to him for hours on end, and have, and will again and again.
Today I offer a blast from the past.
Let It Grow
I’m sort of at a crossroads. I’m closer to being a whole person that I ever have been in my life. The healing process takes time and dedication, but man, I’m here to tell you, it works. I go through pain and grief comforting and telling my broken soul parts (no longer children, but now teenager and spouse parts) to get on board, that I DO love them, as part of me, for all their blunders and bad choices, they did the best they could.
So, now, my loves, my fragmented soul parts, I love you, let us plant love, yes? Let us plant love of our WHOLE self, in our self, in the healthy parts of our self, and let it grow. It is exciting to know the pain of the past fades away and you come together in being, into your TRUE SELF. If you are on this similar journey, may you be blessed to unite within and find serenity.
I was listening as well to Elton John, another favorite, and one song stuck with me. The Ballad of Danny Bailey. It made me think of the hate crimes going on these days, and what a SHAME it is that some souls are SO broken, SO damaged, SO fragmented that they believe…they actually BELIEVE, that killing out of misjudged hatred…is sound of mind and heart… so sad. So very, very sad. I think of the men that died in Portland, and how they stood up for love, and died for it. The man that killed them … well…my thoughts and feelings for him are that he is already in hell, and if he’s lucky, the Christ consciousness will knock on his noggin and break his stone heart…and make him into a real human being instead of the brainwashed fragmented being he is.
This is for those that fall from hate crimes. All of them, no matter race, religion, or sex.
I keep a picture of myself taken just before my life got really ugly. I was about 15 at the time. I’m holding the little Beagle my dad gave me, the same dog he beat so hard she bled from every hole in her body (because I ran away from home). He put her in the bathtub for me to find her, and he thought it a sound punishment for me, since I ran away from the abuse he dished out to me. Pepper was her name. He named her after Pepper Pots from the Ironman comics. But he sure didn’t treat her right, nor did he treat me, my mom, or my sister right. My dad did not have a CLUE about how to love anyone, especially himself, and so he adopted a heart of hatred with a very confused mind at the helm, and violently and verbally abusively, exercised it on all people and animals as his assumed right. He is dead now, my dad. I’m glad. My mom has a serene life now and is healing and doing good. I am healing, with a lot of work.
Pool therapy is kicking my butt and making me STRONG!!!! YAY!!! I can FEEL my muscles gaining power and man, oh man, it feels awesome. Its hard, the pain in my spine is killer, but I don’t care, I’ll get myself back, and I’ll work, and walk, and like I did in my youth, I’ll truck on. Adversity, you better plan for a comfort zone, cos I’m on the come-back road, and you are going to be met with confidence, serenity, and strength.
The music soothed my soul sick parts today, and I broke down at times, crying out the pain, crying in the love, while I was also working metal. I hammered nine rings today and polished three. Tomorrow I will polish the other six, and then its time to focus on other things. I plan on entering a craft show with my mom (a master knitter) this fall, and hope to sell my rings and other things there. I sold my first ring yesterday! Woot! I made twenty bucks to help me through the month, because the assistance I got on food stamps was cut from 50 bucks down to $6.54. Where they get their numbers is beyond me. SO much for that assistance. Six bucks and change won’t even buy a bag of oranges…but I’ll not complain. I am also getting back on track with Voc Rehab, and they will help me get work, not artistic work (is my guess), but something I can do that won’t conflict with my disabling issues.
So here’s today’s images.
On the left are the six rings yet to file, sand, and polish, they are soaking in vinegar to loosen up the tarnish. On the right are two stainless rings, and one antique silverwear ring (a silver alloy). I love doing this work. Hammering makes me feel strong, and I can feel my arms developing in the process, my hands too. I have to wear a brace for my back to keep it upright, but who cares? Right? Do what you love! I love this. It makes handsome jewelry that is recycled, affordable, and all the while I can listen to tunes and enjoy my SELF doing what is good for itself. Creativity, healing, music, and joy.. good stuff.