Learning the hard way

I can’t speak for others, but I can for myself, and in doing that I have to say until recently in my life, I learned just about everything the hard way.  At least the really important stuff.  I did well in college, until the stress got to me (along with other factors) and I gave up pushing.  I missed honor graduation by under 3 points because I gave up pushing myself, I was just beaten by the expectations of seven years.  But I did learn a lot, and I am thankful for it because what I learned has been useful in my present life.  Yet, what I learned in school is nothing compared to what I learned the hard way.

Relationships and psychology are tough realities to overcome when you have been brainwashed to think the worst of yourself.  When terrorism of the emotional nature has been an ongoing part of your existence from early life, you believe the garbage that other people summarize you to be, and because of that you fall into many trappings by users that just want their pound of flesh, be it of your heart or mind or body.  I learned that lesson, but it’s still and ongoing parade of experiences that test my merit of integrity and my ability to discern bullshit when I see it.  That is a never-ending story, because it’s human life.

Then there are the spiritual lessons that come with seeking God.  God sends you lessons through the many varied ‘teachers’ that are out there, and none of them have it right.  They have information, and offer education that is partially right, all the time.  You cannot however accept any one teacher’s understanding as the final answer to your questions about who you are and why you are here.  The Word expresses that demons can wear the attire of angels, and that they know the laws and the plan of God, and that they know such for the sake of leading humans astray from the path of true communion with the Creator.   Doctrines, lessons, teachings, those commentaries on decisions, those prophetic ideologies, those assured truths, are likely meat for the soul to learn from, but are not necessarily honest.  Deception is a big role of those that have an agenda for power and control over others.  The only true way out of such trappings is prayer and meditation on what is truly what God wants you to know and what is not.  I fell prey to a couple of religious zealots in my time, but thank God for showing me the hypocrisy of it all before I became so deeply in-bedded in a corruption that I could not get my own mind back.  Lessons are not always taught by teachers with angelic wings, but are often times taught the hard way through being duped and deceived by those that appear to be honest.  Honesty, as some wear it like a robe of glory, isn’t always an accurate depiction of the intention of a person.  Confession doesn’t mean they are upright.  It only means they are aware of a mistake they made, but it doesn’t mean they have repented, and it doesn’t mean they aren’t caught up in some conspiracy theory.  Its a tough thing to learn, and accept that the one you thought was teaching you with love and honor, was actually using you to pick your mind of freedoms or gifts and abilities they intended to harvest for their own purpose.  The fruits of which are then used on others because that “teacher’ wants something to be ‘their way’.

My last spiritual and love lesson combined took me ten years to wake up from.  I was lonely and stressed and fearful of my future.  I fell into a deception, some to blame on the other person, the teacher, and much more to blame on my own ignorance about who I really am and what I really need to be.   Ten years.  And to this day I still have moments of weakness where I’m not sure that I wasn’t the wrong doer, where I am not sure that I did more wrong than being duped and being unable to discern out of desire for love and companionship.  There are many ‘teachers’, and ‘preachers’ that will use your emotional bankruptcy to advance their own desires.

Fortunately, if you have a good communion with the Creator, and you respect it, you can be saved from the temptations that lead you to believe in something that is just smoke and mirrors.  Still, inside the dominion of deception are powerful lessons.  Inside the dynamic of relationship, with its promises, and its ambiguity, is something you needed to learn, something valuable for your personal maturity, something that will give you wisdom you didn’t have when you first stepped into that pile you didn’t see while your head was in the clouds.

When you step in shit, luckily you have the ability to clean your shoes.  Luckily, you can (eventually if you learn the hard way) overcome your own ignorance.  I love the movie: The Jerk, because I can relate to it.  I was born and raised to be a Jerk, and I was good at it, but PRAISE YESHUA, I am learning to not be a jerk more everyday.  I am learning, still at my age (58) that life is more valuable when lived in communion with your higher self, than in trying to please your soulish needs.  Yes, the soul needs comforting and food, and water, and sleep.  It needs cared for, but to seek that care at the hands of other human beings is to step in it.  Then once the mess is all over your feet (God forbid barefoot), you have however long it takes you to clean it off and carry on again, this time with your eyes looking out for where you step and your ears perked for discerning red flags in language and dialog.

Just because that ‘teacher’ has a degree, or a pulpit, or a position of power, or because they speak with eloquence, or know the bible by heart, doesn’t mean they aren’t distracting you from your true course.  However, the Creator uses such ‘teachers’ for the purpose of showing you the difference, and edifying you to choose Shinola next time.

Just because they come off as honest, doesn’t mean they are being honest.  Just because they have a good sales pitch, doesn’t mean that what they are selling is good for you.  Its about what YOU personally need to be you, not what makes you into what they want you to be, or because it makes them feel better about themselves by their adding another notch to their belt.

Ignorance is a tough reality.  It takes years to develop critical thinking when you have been trained to be a good dog.  Fetch!  Sit!  Roll over!  Wait a minute…that hurts…growl.  Something is not right…wait a minute…I’m not a dog…I’m a human and I have only one master (if I must have a master), and that is my Creator, and I’m not talking mom and dad.

We don’t have a choice as we grow up as kids.  We get what ‘teachers’ we get, and that’s the bottom line.  Some of us get parental or parental type teachers that teach us to be ignorant, some of us get those that teach us to be discerning.  You don’t know when you breathe that first breath and are wrapped in a swaddle what you are in for, and you generally don’t find out the truth until much later in life.  So as ‘teachers’ go, you have to look at the fruit, and if the fruit is bitter and nasty on the tree, its not going to improve unless that tree is fertilized, IF, it recovers from bearing bad fruit at all.   We don’t have a choice, but we do have a voice in our spirit that says, “this is not right”, and as I reflect, when you are taught to not trust yourself, you ignore that voice and assume that the authority over you is correct.  Perhaps you are whatever they summarize you to be?  No, you are not what the ‘teacher’ sees you as.  When your inner voice says it’s not right…it’s not right, and while you may have to endure putting up with what is not right, if you are fortunate enough to be a critical thinker, you’ll endure, and make a plan to set yourself free.

If you are entrapped, I hope honestly, that your Spirit is strong enough to set you free, and that your mind is strong enough, and your heart loving enough, that no matter what you are told by another human (be they angel or demon), you will look at it with a clear intention of determining if you are about to step in it.



About vickiesumner924

. Multi-media Artist.
This entry was posted in Life, opinion, Self Help, Spiritual, Uncategorized, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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